bloodbornefandomcom-20200222-history
User blog:The Nameless Lancer/The Lancer's Bloodborne Academy - How to survive a Loran Chalice
The Lancer: Hunters and Huntresses, please take a seat. Welcome to The Lancer's Bloodborne Academy. Today, we will have our first class. I am going to be teaching you how to survive a Loran Chalice Dungeon. First, is everybody comfortable? Does anyone have to go to the bathroom? No? Then let's get started, shall we? (Clears throat) Okay. I have 5 rules. Let's get started. Rule 1: Equipment The Lancer: The Loran Chalice Dungeons are dangerous places. That means that you need to be prepared. (Angry voice) You need to know what your up against. You need to be prepared. And you need to bring the right weapons. If you don't, then you will mostly likely die a horrible death. So don't be a fucking idiot! (Normal voice) Sorry about that. Anyway, Loran is full of beasts. Bring serrated weapons. If you have the time, find some Molotovs or Fire Paper. Make those sick beasts burn. A good weapon to use is anything with a serrated blade. In terms of attire, wear what you want. There are beasts that use electricity, so bolt defense might seem appealing. Forget that. That only slows you down. Use bolt defense runes instead. Any questions? No? Moving on then. Student 1: I had a question. The Lancer: You didn't raise your hand! (Throws Boom Hammer at Student 1's head) That should teach you to interrupt my class! Student 2: I think you killed him. The Lancer: Want me to kill your mom too? Then keep your trap shut. Student 1: Ouch. The Lancer: Moving on. Rule 2: Be afraid The Lancer: Chalice Dungeons are terrifing places. You have to be afraid. I sure as hell am afraid when I go into a dungeon. Once, I pissed myself when I thought that a beast came out of a wall, when it was actually just my cape. Student 3: (Snickers) The Lancer: Do you have something to say to that? Student 3: No. The Lancer: Tell that to my blade. Student 3: (Gulps) No thank you. The Lancer: Now, before I am interrupted again, we're moving on. Chalice Dungeons are terrifiying. If you're afraid, that's okay. I screamed like a teenaged girl whenever I saw a beast patient burst out of a coffin the first time. By the way, that beast patient doesn't have it's mouth gagged, arms and legs bound, and is locked in my basement. Rule 1 of this academy is to stay out of my basement. I probably shouldn't be having a school set up in my house. And I'm getting off topic here. Let's move on. Any questions? (Scans the group) You in the back! The Huntress raising your hand! What's your question? Student 4: Can I go into your basement? The Lancer: We can talk about that after class. (Winks) Next rule. Rule 3: Beware of hallways! The Lancer: Chalice dungeons are full of long hallways. You may be tempted to quickly run through them. ''DON'T RUN THROUGH HALLWAYS. ''There could be holes in the floor that you could fall into. Unless you want to break your legs. Then, go for. Any questions? (No response) Moving on then. Rule 4: Take no prisoners The Lancer: (Maniacal voice) If a beast appears to be begging for mercy, show no mercy! Kill them dead right where they fucking stand! They deserve no mercy! They attacked you, so you killing them is completely fine! A hunter must hunt! Look at me. I've never showed mercy in my life, and look where I ended up! Being a teacher! (Sees student raising their hand) Do you have a question? Student 3: Didn't you say that you have a beast patient imprisoned in your basement? The Lancer: I said the exact opposite of that. Student 3: But... The Lancer: Butts are for pooping. Moving on. Rule 5: Watch your six The Lancer: Danger lurks every corner of the Chalice Dungeon. Be careful doing through doors, and around corners. Beasts could be laying in ambush. Remember that. I believe that concludes our lesson. Class dismissed. (Class leaves. The Lancer goes into his basement, and talks to the female beast patient who has her legs and hands bound, and mouth gagged.) The Lancer: I won't tie you up anymore if you promise to behave. Will you behave for me? I don't want you to be like this forever. (Female beast patient nods) The Lancer: Thank you. (Unties the beast patient) There you go. (Beast patient gives The Lancer a hug) The Lancer: That's better. Category:Blog posts